Santeria Is Preventing The Release Of The Tapes
By Chief Editor S. Korir,
My dear American friends, I have sad news to report. It seems that forces far and above our expectations have stepped in where even we could not imagine. We thought we had overcome our primary tape-transference obstacles when we updated our telegraph machine to accommodate a DSL cable. Then, when we were forced (by virtue of our own security instincts) to cut the tape into its fundamental syllabic components, only to have them re-spliced back in the United States by a major cable news network. Then, we had to terminate our legal relationship with Attorney Berg, just to prime our credibility pumps yet again.
Now, I regret to inform you, that even the most facilitous political maneuvering cannot overcome the ancient voodoo power of Santeria. As of right this moment, the entire cast of The Serpent and the Rainbow have reassembled in Kenya, and are cutting up preposterous amounts of poultry, just to see that these tapes never see the light of day, and that the American people never have a chance to make an informed decision.
On another note, the LA Times is concealing nothing. It's just a diversion to keep your passionate forces diluted, so that these tapes never actually see their rightful airing.
Pray for me, fellow sojourner.